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Romatic Movie Night: Food for the Soul....

As cynical and jaded (mostly the latter) as I am about the world, people and this whole concept and notion of “love”, last night I felt I needed a reintroduction to just what love and romance was all about, even though I’m pretty sure, at least in my personal prevue, that neither exists. Yeah. Yeah. I did mention the cynical and jaded part right? Usually, when I’m feeling particularly down, I put in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where there is death, violence, mayhem and quirky quips thrown into the mix. I didn’t want Buffy though. I wanted the love and romanticism. I’m not entirely sure the movies that I watched helped with that feeling though.

I bought four movies on Monday night when I went to Best Buy. Impulse buys. I didn’t need them and got them anyway. Actually, I think they were more food for the soul buys, so I justified it that way…. Anyway, the movies I got were: The Prince and Me 2, The Perfect Man, Fever Pitch and Never Been Kissed. Of the four, the latter is the one I’ve already seen, but loved the movie enough to get it – particularly as it came as a package deal with Fever Pitch. I watched the first three last night and think I’m even more critical of them than I could perhaps ever be.

The Prince and Me 2: While I like Luke Malby as Prince Edvuard (Eddie, or however you spell his name), he is the only member of the original cast to return. I think they made a good casting choice with guy who replaced Soren, but the rest of the cast left much to be desired. The girl who played Paige Morgan was adequate, but was certainly no Julia Stiles, though bless her heart she did try. I could see some similarities, but the nail was never hit on the head. The story line and the feel of the movie just didn’t have the zing and magic the first movie had. Instead, it was a cheap continuance and felt that way and because of that I really couldn’t get into the story, what little there was, that the movie presented. Man wants commoner girl. Princess wants man to become Queen. Princess schemes to chase commoner girl off. Commoner girl wins the man anyway. There was no flair, no passion, no real romance and it was supposed to be a romantic movie. Sure, they get married in the end, we all knew that was going to happen, and I rooted for Paige because I rooted for her in the original movie, but eh. The connection just wasn’t made.

The Perfect Man: As much as I hate to say it, even though Heather Lochlear and Hillary Duff had good roles in this movie, and it was about a single mom finding happiness for herself, I didn’t really see any romancing in this movie either. It was more about the girl making her mother happy, so they’d stay in one place, than anything else. Well, that’s not entirely true. There was a real message in this movie. You can’t run away from your problems or everything that makes you scared, because you’ll get so caught up in doing just that, that you forget to live your life. Heh. Kinda like what I’m doing right now, right? Except, without the kids. It was a cute story with a cute plotline. But, I didn’t want cute, and while there was romance involved, slightly, it was more a side issue. Still didn’t feed the need the soul desired.

Fever Pitch: This was a cute movie with Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon. It goes to prove that sometimes opposites attract, even if a person’s interests are very different. Except, again, no romance really. I mean, it’s about baseball and the Red Sox being the main guy’s obsession and the girl coming to terms with that and weighing it against how she feels about him and what she’s willing to sacrifice to be with him. Granted, he was willing to sacrifice his season tickets and his obsession. Taking a chance. I guess it was another clear message in the end. But again. Heh… Not so much with the taking of the chances myself. Not anymore. The last time I took a chance it blew up, royally, in my face and I haven’t dated since :P Things turned out alright in the end, but it wasn’t that romantic.

I can only watch: The Prince and Me so many times. I love the movie enough that it’s stayed on my TiVo, and I don’t intend to delete it. I like it enough to keep it right where it is (or eventually burn it to DVD). The other movies I have, which are sometimes good to feed the soul with romantic notions, aren’t going to cut it either.

What I crave, what I want? Is having romance in my life. I’ve never had that. Not even with Darrick, and he never even made any effort towards it. I want the flowers, the rose petals strewn across the floor, the dimly lit room with the candlelight and a cooked meal that I didn’t have to cook myself. I want to be seduced, enticed, entranced, swept off my feet and made to forget about my worries, the world, people beyond and only think about that moment, where I am with that person, and not have to worry about anything other than being with them. I want to melt into someone’s embrace and just stay there for hours on end, simply enjoying their presence. I want to be content that for that time, I am that person’s only concern or worry and that I’m the only thing that exists for them.

It’s a tall order I know. So tall, in fact, that I’m absolutely convinced that it could never happen to me, and because I’m convinced, it probably never will.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
bludiscus
Jun. 16th, 2006 03:22 pm (UTC)
>It’s a tall order I know. So tall, in fact, that I’m absolutely
>convinced that it could never happen to me, and because I’m convinced,
>it probably never will.

More than anyone I can think of, Lisa, you deserve this. I was convinced it would never happen to me, and.. well, I lucked out. Sometimes the surprises life throws at you are good. I hope you get one of those good ones soon.
nynrose
Jun. 16th, 2006 04:24 pm (UTC)
You know what? The person I screwed things up with royally? I loved him, and I think there’s a part of me that still does – but I ignore that part of me. Things felt “right” with him. I never told him that though. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I was too scared to say anything. I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t trust what I was feeling. I didn’t want to get hurt again. But, I couldn’t help what I felt.

I was crushed when things ended, and it was my fault. I was just… stupid. I scared him. No, I won’t explain what happened. But really, honestly, I was stupid. I’ve myself kicked about it ever since that time.

The thing is we’re friends. It’s hard sometimes, because I can’t avoid him. I’d really like to, but I can’t. There’s still a part of me that tingles when I know I’ll get to see him. Things brighten just a little bit. And, when I do, I give him his space. Or try. I don’t want to ruin being friends with him. So, I leave him be.

It’s better to be friends, than nothing at all. Right?
adamdray
Jun. 16th, 2006 04:29 pm (UTC)
If you open yourself up, someone will swoop in and seduce and romance you, but you seem so closed. I think you're giving off 'stay away' signals. You let your hair down (literally as well as figuratively) a few times a year and people see a different, more accessible side of you. Is that the real you? It's hard to tell.
bludiscus
Jun. 16th, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
I may be wrong (I know, I know. Hard to believe, har har.), but I think that's the real Lisa -- a side of her, at least.
nynrose
Jun. 16th, 2006 05:46 pm (UTC)
Kelly here can tell you, from personal experience, when I get hurt, I shut down. I turtle. I hide under a shell. I don’t come out for a very, very, very long time, and even then when I do it’s not fully coming out. She and I, along with Billie and Rachel, were best friends through college, up until the year that my mother got sick, and then I just pushed everyone away. Honestly, I’m surprised even Billie and Rachel continued hanging out and trying to get me to come out of my shell. I count myself blessed and lucky that they stuck through things with me.

I don’t deal with getting hurt very well. I’m no abominable snowman, like the one in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I don’t bounce. I fall hard, go smoosh, splatter everywhere, and then ooze into a deep, dark hidey hole and dwell like a cave person. This is only with emotional and mental hurts though. Physical hurts don’t scare me. Well, they do in some sense. I’m not going to go out of my way to get myself hurt like some athletes who dive for, say, valley balls, but if it’s something that happens through the course of things, like falling off a bike, or stumbling over my own two feet. It’s not the thing that hurt me. It was myself. I stumbled. I fell. I trust that I can get back up again and start over, and if I stumble by myself again, no biggie.

I can’t say the same with people, though. I can’t simply trust that if they trip me once, they won’t trip me again or that they won’t find some pleasure out of tripping me. But, you and I have been round robin on that before. No, not everyone is like that. I have to learn who is and isn’t, and be willing to let bygones be bygones and move on. That’s harder than it seems. The trick is to find a way to convince myself that it’s not like that all the time, that sometimes chances need to be taken. I can’t have anyone convince me for me. It’s not going to work. That whole cynical and jaded thing won’t let that happen. It’s me and my decisions I have to trust again, and my judgment.

I’ve moved my post asking Kel of a comparison of Lisa pre-Mom dying and just before/post-Mom dying, which I hope she does. It’ll be interesting to see how she saw me before and after, especially, after having lost a parent of her own not too long ago, she now understands some of the things I was going through back then. *snugs Kel*
adamdray
Jun. 16th, 2006 07:15 pm (UTC)
I always tread lightly when talking about your mom, because it's a big thing and it's hard on you, but I noticed something and I want to bring it up.

You often talk about trusting people and your mother's death in the same breath. How did your mother "leaving you" affect your ability to trust that people will be there for you? That is, is this way bigger than what Darrick did to you?
nynrose
Jun. 16th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC)
It's not so much that my mother left. It's my ability, when I want to, to completely and thoroughly shut people out of my life. When I knew she was sick, I pushed absolutely everyone away. Didn't want them near me. Didn't want to see them. Didn't want to talk to them. Didn't want to do anything with them. Told them to go away on countless occassions. But, my trust issues have nothing to do with that though. I expected them to go away. They didn’t, and because of it those that stayed nearby I become closer to that year. Though, now, we don’t talk except occasionally. : )

My trust issues have to do with other things. While it may seem I say it in the same breath, it’s two separate thoughts really, but both issues together have had a large impact on my life. The whole trust thing goes far beyond my mother’s death even, from before. Those delve into skeletons that I might bring up privately, and would prefer not to post on LJ. Though, I think I did post about one of them, it’s best left not being posted again.
bludiscus
Jun. 16th, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC)
Well, I must interject that there actually IS a link that I see between your mother's death and your trust of people. Just call me armchair psychologist (and someone who can speak from her own experience, at least, if not yours).

I know that when my dad died, I felt abandoned. Orphaned. No matter that none of it was his fault, and I know that he would have done anything he could have to change it. He got sick too. I felt let down by my father. I imagine it'd be easy to feel the same way in your shoes, as well, Lisa.

At the same time -- and this happened with me as well -- many of your friends "turned away from you." I'm glad, too, that Rache and Billie were persistent. I think I also had trouble with your dislike of doctors at the time, given my aspirations, and took that a bit too personally. (Not that that is relevant. I'm just sort of thinking out loud.) I can understand why, now.

But the real reason I'm bringing this up is because of COURSE you felt betrayed and abandoned. Not just by your mother, but by many of your friends. I think it's very reasonable that some of your trust issues stemmed from that. Additionally, add to it that Darrick wasn't as supportive as he could have been... and then put THAT on top of his behavior later....

I can see where the association comes from. And even if you know your mother didn't want to die, I think it would be perfectly normal if that still made you feel like when you love someone, they're just going to go away.

I know it's something that I struggle with in my own situation. Mine has another facet (if I want something good to happen, expect something good to happen, or something good does happen, I will lose someone I love. Dad died right before my wedding reception, Cleo died right after we bought the house. Ridiculous, but there it is). I can see how you might also feel that way, too. Maybe you don't, but I could understand it if you did.
nynrose
Jun. 19th, 2006 03:01 pm (UTC)
Responded to this in a new post late on Friday evening.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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