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Broken Trust and Me...

For most people who know me, they know it’s very, very hard for me trust other people. It takes me a long, long time to decide to trust people in general. I’ve had a lot of long, hard hurt in my life, and that’s colored everything for me. I keep almost everyone at arms’ length. It’s easier than trying to second guess if this person or that person is really being truthful with me or not. So, when I make the decision to let people in, to trust them and let them get close to me, it’s never a trival matter. Lots of thought has gone into that decision. When someone breaks that trust I’m not fine, and I’m not okay. When someone breaks that trust, that trust can never be earned back ever again, because when trust is broken it causes you to question everything that was ever said or ever done – and that can’t be fixed. There will always be lingering questions. This is how it has always been with me and how it will always be. It's always unfortunate and disappointing when that trust is broken.

Needless to say, I did not go to the SERC (Smithsonian Environmental Research Center) Open House this weekend. Instead, I opted to stay home rather than confront the one person who so very hugely broke that trust, because I was quite sure I was not yet able to face him without strong hurt in my heart, even if it meant I got to see an old friend and catch up with them. I’m not ready for that sort of confrontation yet. Perhaps I’ll never be ready for it. Time does not heal everything.

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( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
bluekitsune
May. 15th, 2007 04:18 pm (UTC)
There is a difference between forgiving, and letting the one who hurt you back into a position where they may be able to hurt again. It usually takes a while for me to dismiss someone so completely if they have made it into my inner circle of trust, but once I have, I don't generally let them back in.

There are people I am no longer angry at or hurt by, who hurt me many years ago, but they will never be permitted back in my life. Period. I can forgive them for past injuries, but that does not mean I have to give them opportunity to hurt me again.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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