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Disconnect...

I feel disconnected with the world, in a sense, like I’m not part of what’s going on, yet I am at the same time. I meet with friends, go to dinner, sit down and have honest to goodness heart to hearts with people, but still in all of that I don’t feel a sense of belonging, even though I know, sensibly, I do. It’s disconcerting, to say the least. I’m pretty sure it’s because of some things that are changing, but those aren’t things I can do anything about.

But, in another sense, I’m left amazed. If I looked back several years ago at the person I was, I can certainly say I’m no longer that person. I was quiet, shy and ever so ready to stay turtled away from everyone. I could never really think of anything to talk about, so never contributed to a conversation. I relied heavily on someone else to make introductions or do the talking or just be my rock. I don’t really have a rock or anyone to depend on in that fashion anymore. I have to rely on myself entirely. And, while it hurt to lose that, a great deal, I’m better for it.

That’s not to say I’m a completely changed person. I’m not. However, today, presently, I’m able to be more open with people, and honest. I’m more apt to join in on conversations, than just sit down and listen in silence. I have things to contribute, where before I couldn’t, for the life of me, think of anything to say. A lot has happened in these last few years, and I like who I’ve become.

Now, if only I could find a way to chase this disconnect, or --- maybe it’s more a void that I’m feeling – away.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
jeisen
Jul. 27th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC)
I just want to say you're awesome. I'm really glad to have met you and in the time I've gotten to know you, I wouldn't be able to tell you were all that shy before if you didn't say so. You're a blast to be around.

As for the disconnect/void, something will come up and present itself. It always does. Don't hesitate to go for it when you see it. :)
ironman
Jul. 28th, 2007 05:14 am (UTC)
Know how to feel more connected? LOG IN TO WOW AND PLAY WITH US MORE. ;)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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