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Could Things Get Any Worse?

Don't answer that question because I'm sure they could, especially with the week I'm having over these last few days.

Last night my father and I had this huge collossal arguement. Over what? Frying pans. Or rather, my leaving them out. I offered to clean the pans, and he threw them in the oven. I went ahead and started to clean them anyway, then he picked at how I was doing it, which led to me getting even more upset. So he calmed down some and started to ask about what happened in Glen Burnie. I told him nothing happened. He asked again and I restated the same thing again, only I was irritated and raised my voice - and then we got into a yelling match.

The argument then led to us flinging insults back at one another - something I've inherited from him since he's really good at flinting the insults. I said some rather hurtful things that I rather regret saying. I told him that I was moving out as of last night and never coming back, if my being there was so upsetting for him and that part of the reason I was moving was because of him. He wanted reasons, and put on the spot as I was and angry and upset, I couldn't give them. It's true. He is part of the reason I'm moving - but it isn't all bad stuff - with the exception being that I /know/ he's told my sisters that he can't wait for me to move out, even though he denies it and says otherwise when confronted about it. So, because I was upset I picked on the only thing I could think of at the time, which were his mumblings and grumblings - rants - that I usually over hear when he doesn't think I can. He usually says some rather hurtful things with his rantings.

I packed my things, intent on leaving last night, and started to leave - not caring if I came back or not. But then after I threw my printer into the car I stopped and got myself together and went back inside. I knew what I was doing was stupid and hurtful, and that I was doing in only because I was hurt. I'm reactionary like that, again something I learned from my father. So, I went back inside and asked him why we both blow things out of proportion like we do. He asked me why I do it, and I retorted that we both do it. We apologized to each other and hugged - and then chatted a bit about the wedding. And he let me know how much he cared and worried about me, which I already knew. He's always worrying about me. I'm the baby, the last to leave the nest - aside from all the crap with Darrick. I stayed the night at Centreville, but had to come back to the house in Glen Burnie this morning since I ordered a cell phone on Tuesday. It's supposed to arrive sometime by tomorrow.

So, I get to Glen Burnie around 10:30 and I find that Darrick is here still. He hadn't gone off to work. He was asleep so I went downstairs so as not to disturb him. I let the dog out since she wanted to go out, then brought her back in. I basically keep out of his way. He gets ready to go, and as he comes to the door to leave I greet him. He doesn't say anything, so when he comes downstairs a bit further I greet him again and he confronts me. He asks why I've been going through their things. So, I did a stupid thing and lied and said I haven't been. I know I have. I admit it here. I looked at two files on his computer yesterday as well as looked through a few other things. I've been doing it for a long while now, being snoopy. I should have admitted to doing it, but didn't. I didn't have a good reason for doing it other than to know what's been going on in the house while I haven't been here. So, there's that cloud now hanging over my head, lying about something I know I've been doing. The conversation didn't last long. He ended it with it's got to stop, and yeah - it does. It will.

And no, I'm not infallible. I never said I was. I think, at this point, I just want to go someplace and bury my head in the sand, and just stay there. It seems to me like that would be the easiest and best thing for everything all considering.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
stephdray
May. 20th, 2004 11:05 am (UTC)
Growing Pains
Believe it or not, this kind of thing is normal. You're going to make peace with your dad, and you already did . . . you'll always be his child. It'll work out and the tension will be much less when you're not living at home.

As for Darrick and the snooping--that's a natural (even if wrong) thing to do under the circumstances that he left you in. You're trying to make sense of your life and you may be choosing the wrong ways to do it, but you're trying.

It'll work out. Just vow that tomorrow is going to be better than today and make it so.
ashamanmat
May. 20th, 2004 03:39 pm (UTC)
Things will always work out between family members. Well at least in my exp they do. If you need a place to go, you can always come out here for a bit...
khall
May. 23rd, 2004 03:40 am (UTC)
*hugs tight*

K.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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