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General Ramblings

Tuesday I spent the night at stephdray and adamdray's house, watching the elections. I admit, I am not a terribly political person, but I did find the results of the elections rather disappointing. Registered a Republican, I did in fact vote for Kerry over Bush. I'm a citizen who's concerned over her civil liberties potentially being taken away. This puts a bad taste in my mouth, for I fear Bush may very well do that. Others are entitled to their opinion, I don't begrudge them that. I do, however, dislike those who try to force their ideals and way of thinking on others. I suppose they've forgotten their history lesson and how well that's worked out for people in the past. No one should be able to tell me how I can live my life as long as I'm doing no harm to anyone else. It's my freedom to choose the path I take. Like many others, I'm concerned and worried about our nation.

The rest of the week has been spent in quiet reflection. I've started taking action to find a new job, that hopefully pays more, and will help me out with this financial situation. I'd prefer to find a 40 hour a week job that pays well, rather than having to work two jobs at the same time. In the coming weeks, I'll be searching for another apartment - or succumbing to the fact that I didn't actually turn in the notice to the rental office with teh apartment I'm currently in - which means I may very well be in for another 2 months. I don't mind that, too much. I like it here, I just wish I was more able to afford it. I've grown attached, which is dangerous. More over, it's that I don't want to move again unless I'm moving some place permanently. We'll see how things go. I have at least one job interview on Tuesday. I'm going to call the other place again on Monday to see if they are still interested in talking about my resume. Both jobs pay almost twice as much more than what I'm currently making at the Temp Service, if not more. They'd be a HUGE step up for me and would allow for me to pay off my debt and eventually save money for whatever I want to use it for.

I still haven't gotten my settlement from the house. In fact, I haven't heard from the lawyer in 2 weeks. I talked to my father briefly about that and he said not to call the lawyer, let him call me. Yet, I'm worried. I know it's going to take a bit, but I was hoping it wouldn't take this long. Darrick was wanted a fast settlement. It could be, perhaps, that we've waited so long that his financing fell through. Or, he lied and never had it in the first place. I do know one thing - I'm in a far better place now than I was when I was at the house. I'm more emotionally stable - er, for the most part - and I'm greatly enjoying the freedom of having my own place. In fact, so much so that the thought of sharing right now turns my stomach into knots and makes me rather nervous.

Compared to the last several weeks, this weekend has also been quiet. I've spent the majority of it home, doing stuff around the apartment and simply vegging out in front of the television. The only exception was yesterday. I spent the afternoon at Arundel Mills and went to see the Incredibles. Later that night I met with Adam and bluekitsune to watch The Forgotten. Both movies were very good, for different reasons. The Incredibles was very well done. It makes me sad to think there is only one more movie that Disney has done with Pixar studios and that will be the end of them. No more digitally animated Disney movies from a top quality company. Cars is the last of them, and it'll be out next November. The Forgotten was good because it drew you into it, and then presented some rather surprising events. I won't say what they were, you'll just have to watch it yourself to see.

I've also come to the realization just how much I cherish and appreciate my friends. I've never had many growing up, throughout school or even in college, so this is a huge change for me, to be surrounded by so many loving and caring people. It also somewhat frightens me. I'm not used to having so many people around who actually care about me. Most of the people I called friend weren't really my friends, but people I had hoped to be friends with. The only exceptions were those from college: Kelly, Billie and Rachel, and I barely keep in contact with them because we've all gone our own separate ways since college; though they remain in my thoughts and I do reach out to them occassionally.

It frightens me because I'm afraid eventually I'll lose them. It's a silly thing really, but it is a genuine fear I have. The worst part about all this is I have my father who keeps whispering in my ear that friends always disappear on you. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but they'll turn on you and disappear. That doesn't help my own constant worries and insecurities. He's embittered that since my mother died that his own friends haven't made an effort to talk to him. He says he's made an effort, but he's given up. I don't want to be in that position, not after realizing just how much I need the support and care of others in my life. Family is nice, family is good and family is the most important thing to me, but sometimes you can't always look to family for everything. That's what friends are for, to be there to lean on when you most need them, and I've certainly done my fair share of leaning lately.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
bludiscus
Nov. 8th, 2004 06:38 am (UTC)
Friends
Just because I don't have much to say in reply doesn't mean I don't peek at your journal at least weekly and see how you're doing. :)

Sometimes friends do disappear. It's a sad fact, but it happens. Sometimes we reach different stages in our lives, and go our different ways. The nice thing is that sometimes you reconnect years later and find out you have more in common than ever.

I won't blather about my thoughts on friends and losing a loved one -- those who 'get it' and those who don't -- but email me if you want an extended discourse on the matter. >:) I'm sure it must hurt your father a lot, though.

As another friend of mine says, "Friends are the family you get to choose." (Paraphrase from elsewhere that I can't remember.)

ashamanmat
Nov. 8th, 2004 10:01 am (UTC)
its good to hear that you are doing well. I am planning on coming to visit in a few months... I will let you know for sure when I will be there. We will have to get together and paint the town!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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