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Further Musings...

I have too much time to think and dwell on things, I've decided. Not that this is anything new, and this is a new decision or anything, but I'm simply reaffirming that decision.

This time I've been thinking about my living and work situation. Yes, again. I'm not sure staying in Glen Burnie is the thing to do, though I'd really like to do it. I know I can probably figure out a workable solution even... but things aren't working out like I had hoped they would. That's my fault.

I'm still not taking initiative and doing the things I should. In the meantime, my bills are racking up and I'm getting more and more morose about my financial sitaution. It doesn' t help that the job which promised they'd be hiring me on full time isn't at all doing anything about it. That's not my fault, but it is my fault that I'm not looking for something better or trying to find a way to better my financial position.

So, I've seriously started considering moving back in with my father. No rent. No gas, water or electric bills. My father wants me home. I have a job I can go back to, they keep asking when I'm coming back to them. I couldn't go back unless it's better pay though. I have these debts to pay off.

The only reason I've stayed in Glen Burnie really is because I'm closer to my friends and civilization and I've liked the freedom it's given me. It's time to trade that, I think. I can still hang out with friends and stuff, that won't change. The frequency with which I do may, however.

It's not the optimum thing for me, but it seems I'm not ever going to aspire to anything that optimizes my wants and needs. I settle, for everything. Why? Because it's the easiest thing to do. To crawl away, hide in a hole, and disappear. This is me, disappearing for a bit.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
morcath
Feb. 11th, 2005 03:44 am (UTC)
Well... if you're not renting the place you're in now, maybe you could rent it out and make some extra money that way, too...

I have found that instead of having everything you want, I am happiest when I want everything I have. I guess that's easier (and pithy!) to say than to do, but... I'm working on it.

Still, remember at all times that you are loved, Lisa.
ashamanmat
Feb. 11th, 2005 04:34 am (UTC)
I say move back. Living on your own is fun and all, but there is nothing like living at home.
jacobine
Feb. 11th, 2005 04:59 am (UTC)
Tough choice.

But getting yourself out of the debt and building up a cushion could be valuable, even if it means moving back. Unless you can find a roommate or something cheaper, but I know it's difficult in that area. (And having lived on admin/temp agency wages before, I know how hard it is -- and can only be more so with the cost of living up there.)

But don't sell yourself short. You can certainly optimize your wants and needs, without really settling. The key, I think, is determining what's most important to you and doing that.
kmacmahon
Feb. 11th, 2005 01:32 pm (UTC)
It always struck me that you had a good relationship with your father. If you can trade piling up bills without losing the chance to visit your friends, I say go for it!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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