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On Funerals and Passings....

Cross posted in response to ashamanmat's question of whether or not it would be "manly" of him to say he's scared of going to a funeral. This also pretty much sums up my thoughts on that and other relevant stuff.

It's a funeral. You're expected to feel something. You wouldn't be human otherwise. If you have to cry, do it. No one is going to think down on you for doing it, and if they do, well... they're not human at all. It takes a lot of courage for someone to go to a funeral. Not many actually like being around dead people. I've been to enough, and the worst were my mother's and my nephew's. I remember mostly being numb, but sniffly for both of them. You'll do fine, I know you will.

For me, my mother's funeral was the absolute worst. Tomorrow actually marks her "death day", and three days from tomorrow was when she had her funeral. But, given that we had to hold the wake at the house, I didn't let myself feel much of anything. It'll be 9 years now since she's passed and there is literally not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about her in some way. In most cases it doesn't bug me, but it's always worse during the week of her death.

I remember that day well. I went to work as usual and then I went to the hospital afterwards. It was a Sunday. I got a salad and went upstairs to eat it in mom's room. I talked to her a little bit, though she was in a coma by that time and couldn't respond, read a book, and then after an hour or two I had to go. I couldn't get away fast enough because I absolutely hated hospitals. I went upstairs and promptly hid in my room. I was playing on an internet game, Tales of Ta'veren, and around 10 or 10:30 we got the call. Dad asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital, and I didn't, so I stayed home. I think that was the best thing for me to do. I don't think I could have handled being there. There's no place to hide or escape at a hospital. I found lots of love and support from the people on the game, which helped greatly -- but it didn't fill the hole that was in my heart. That hole is still there.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
ashamanmat
Jul. 20th, 2005 05:59 pm (UTC)
My father is in and out of the hospital all the time, they found blood clots in his lungs, so as you can imagin he does not do very well at all. I dont know what I woudl do if he died. I honestly dont know, I think I would in shock and not move for days, then I would cry and then I would be happy for him, because the pain is gone from him. He adopted 2 kids about 7 years ago, ages 8 (boy) and 11 (girl). It would be hard on them for sure because they are the only support they have known.

My heart goes out to you Lisa, and know that I am alwasy here for you and your family. If you guys ever need anythign anything at all just let me know.

*HUGS*
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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Nynrose - Lisa Christie
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