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I've had some time to consider some things, and reflect. I think part of my problem is that I've lost sight of what I want out of life. Things were simpler, much simpler, when I was younger. I had this dream, this ambition, and I always knew what I wanted. I wanted to be in theatre/film/acting. That ambition was so strong that I even pursued that in college and wouldn't even consider adding an alternative to my studies.

Then, my mother died and that ambition fell to the wayside. Oh, I still have the desire to do those things, don't get me wrong, but I've found that I keep coming up with excuse after excuse after excuse to not follow that Dream of mine, ranging to: I'm not good enough to I don't have enough money to pursue my chosen profession in life.

I know, with my heart, that performance is what I want to be involved in, but I don't think it's a practical decision for me. That clouds everything I attempt to do. Looking through the newspapers to find a new job on the Western Shore, or even doing job hunts, is a very depressing experience for me. I was focused for so long on that one goal, I wouldn't consider other options, and now I find I must. That puts me in a very awkward and uncomfortable position.

Working at the Neighborhood Service Center in Easton, MD has opened my eyes to different things that I could be good at. While it was not my ideal job it offered me the opportunities to experience new things and to discover that I actually liked helping people. Unfortunately, I don't have much experience with helping people because social studies never interested me.

Ideally, for a new career, I'd like to explore something in the field that I'm currently working in. There's a few places where I can get started and so I've applied. Or will be sending out those applications today. That doesn't mean that I'll get one of those positions, however. I still must trudge along and look for something that will suit me. I'm just not sure what else will do.

When looking at the paper, I think to myself - I'll never qualify for that. Who am I kidding? I can't do that. Bleh, that's not interesting enough. I know what I don't want. I don't want to go into sales and I don't want to do any sort of telemarketing. I'm not comfortable with any of those positions. Admin and clerical work is all and good, but it's boring and repetitive. Though, most jobs are.

What I need is some sort of way to determine what my skills are best used for and to apply them - but there's no sort of meter out there that's able to help people with that sort of thing. I think if there were, people stuck in my position would be in line and looking to find ways to better themselves. I've also come to realize that because I consider hunting for jobs to be a rather depressing ordeal, it's yet another reason why I haven't been actively searching for something in the Glen Burnie area. Bleh.

I think, maybe, I need to start signing myself up to temp agencies NOW and that way when I quit from here I'll have a small advantage - a place to start. But, I'm so not going to settle for the first job that comes my way.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 3rd, 2004 12:02 pm (UTC)
I know exactly how you feel... But, I have to remind myself, life is a balancing act. You want to remember that this is only but one of many steps you will take in your life... on the other hand, remember, not to forget where you are going. :)

Hang in there... and play Starwars roleplaying games. They help, I heard. :)
Mar. 3rd, 2004 12:09 pm (UTC)
That's part of the problem. Right now, I don't know where I am going.

And, Star Wars. Hrm. I guess I'll have to put that sourcebook to use sometime for something other than a dust collector on my shelf.

Uh. What genre have you decided to RP in? Lemme know!
Mar. 3rd, 2004 12:23 pm (UTC)
Rebellion era. :) We have not started yet, but the character are forming up as such:

A pilot with a ship and -zero- common sense,
a tech with amazing skill and no social talent,
a businesswoman with just a touch of snootiness and perhaps a bit too much gambling talent for her own good. :) This is shaping up to be an -awesome- group, and I would LOVE for you to come play with us.
Mar. 3rd, 2004 12:30 pm (UTC)
Yesyesyes, you havetohaveto come play! :)
Mar. 3rd, 2004 02:02 pm (UTC)
Play with us! You know you want to! ;)
Mar. 3rd, 2004 04:34 pm (UTC)
What I need is some sort of way to determine what my skills are best used for and to apply them - but there's no sort of meter out there that's able to help people with that sort of thing

Sure there is. Have you ever heard of MAPP (Motivational Appraisal of Personal Potential) tests? There's a free one at www.assessment.com. Similiar sites can be found on the net, or you can contact a local college (I took mine at the school I worked for). Also, is there a Woman's Center in Glen Burnie? At the local colleges? They're usually open to the community, not just college students. They should be able to give you something that'll put you on track. The trick is to just put down one foot at a time. :) Before you know it, you've taken several steps down the path!
Mar. 3rd, 2004 04:54 pm (UTC)
Don't believe the list of "required" qualifications in newspaper ads. It's bunk.

When people write those, they often are posting what is required for you to be a shoe-in without a second thought. It's not the minimum for hiring.

Apply if it seems interesting to you and you don't feel grossly underqualified. It won't cost you anything. Don't take rejection personally. Remember, you might not like them either and it won't make them feel bad.
Mar. 4th, 2004 10:39 am (UTC)
       I think, if you want to act, you should pursue that. The worst you can do it fail. But, you won't regret never having tried...

       I have immense faith in your ability to control your destiny. Because you're strong and intelligent and beautiful.

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


Nynrose - Lisa Christie
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