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Lost and Lonely...

I can't shake this incredible feeling of loneliness that's overcome me lately. It's silly really. I have a ton of friends, and we're constantly doing things; and while I enjoy doing those things with my friends, it's not enough. It's a temporary stop gap, a filling of time, that goes away all too soon. I find myself longing for more. I need and want companionship in my life. And, as a result I find myself incredibly lonely lately. I suppose getting a cat in the apartment would help with that, but I'm afraid that even that won't help. It's still a temporary solution, even if I wouldn't be constantly alone.

I've done a lot of soul searching over the last year about what it is I want in life. I want to have someone in my life who loves and accepts me for me and doesn't want to change me from who I am, and in return I'd do the same for them. I want someone who I can count on and rely on to be there, no matter what, and in return I'd be there for them. I want someone I can cuddle up with each night, and know that they are there for me and me alone. I want to get married, have kids, and have a nice house. Family means the world to me. More importantly, I want whatever children I have to know my father, since they'll never really have the opportunity to know my mother, except through stories.

I never imagined a life without both of my parents within it, and when my mother died a light within me died as well. Nothing mattered, quite literally. I'm slowly starting to get that light back and finding my way, and things are starting to matter to me once more. I'm moving on, in my own way. It took some time, a long time, for me to move on, but I think I'm now entitled to some happiness in my life, where before I wasn't so sure and was probably doing my best to make sure I was never happy.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Nov. 24th, 2004 03:46 pm (UTC)
*big hugs*
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


Nynrose - Lisa Christie
Cuendillar MUSH

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